“leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights
that turn us into
who we hate to be
…nothing will ever be the same”
maybe one day,
we will talk again.
but for now, i am happy.
and so are you.
(:
goodbye tumblr world, i’m taking a break from the social 2.0 interweb.
i have decided, i will use the internet only for school, emails and knowledge.
more time for myself.
i need clarity,
not the constant buzz of anxiety, fear and guilt.
——-
also,
i’m leaving this journal behind.
i dont think i have the heart to delete it, because it was what i constantly ran to to pour out the darker reccesses of my heart and soul.
so here it will hang.
(via theyearwas91)
i hate myself so much right now.
people tell me that if it happened, then it did.
if i acted the way i did, there must have been some reason behind it.
“it’s never one-sided”
i think i am just a neurotic crazy cranky person inside.
i didnt know how to tame it, and i had no other outlet.
no one else to run to. and i dont know how to face myself.
now i’m just rationalising it. fuck.
guilt pain anger regret.
i have to live with it.
another realisation:
my bedside clock has stopped working since early last week.
time has been frozen.
this is eerily coincidental…
and a bit too depressing for my liking.
even my objects are becoming like me;
static.
guess it’s time to change the batteries,
need an alarm,
need to -
wake up.
i ruined it.
i think, i am a monster.
especially when i fall in love,
when i let my defences down.
an explosion of neurosis
i push away people i love.
i overthink things, misinterpretate, read too much into things; even non-things.
i am hypersensitive.
i dont explain things, i dont say things enough - or i speak in riddles.
i keep my pain inside and let it boil and spill over.
i…
i should never be allowed to fall in love.
(via poccahauntas)
my head and heart hurt.
my eyes can barely open.
i missed one of my classes this morning, after missing all my lectures yesterday.
can’t function. sigh.
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice; but for those who love, time is eternity.”
—-
almost 4.48 am. as sarah kane says, the darkest hour of the night.
and i’m still awake.
confronting the demons in me.
confronting the broken fragments of my heart.
looking back at past mermories.. the pain hurts anew,
knowing this is what is lost.
but also, i guess, i wanna leave this in peace.
for now, i wage a war aginast my self, my emotions.
i remincise
i cry
i laugh
i smile
i forgive
and in the daylight, i will put on my mask again.
